lessons learned from staying in toxic workplaces🤢

🚨 Lesson 1:

If the interviewer says that he/she is difficult to work with, end the interview!🚨

Back then, I took it as a challenge and ended up receiving verbal abuse from my 2nd ex-manager such as being publicly shamed, yelled at. During the final year, she even followed me to the toilet as she thought I was taking long toilet breaks. My ex-colleague later told me that she developed kidney stones because she feared going to the toilet! 🤯

So in 2018 when I encountered the same situation during another interview, I told the interviewer that I would decline the job offer and we could end the interview immediately. 🤮

🚨 Lesson 2🚨 - if the job is boring and stagnant, have an exit plan and learn a new certificate secretly on the job!

During my 2nd job, my male ex-supervisor used to put me down by saying he was so busy and he didn't understand why I got hired. 👀🙃 But I later learned that my job was actually important! However my male ex-supervisor and female ex-manager hid so much info under the pretense of "need to know basis". Later during the final month, my ex-manager admitted that she would never teach me more than 50% 💁🏻‍♀️

I used to get depressed, hid in the toilet and cried silently at first. Then I managed to master the art of daydreaming and even planned my side gig. But there was a company reorganization in the end and I was asked to leave which was good as I managed to get another job with 13% increment. 💁🏻‍♀️

But during my 5+ years stay at the ex-company, I remembered feeling lethargic at first but I managed to distract myself by going to the gym from mon-fri. 👀

When the same scenario happened in 2019, this time I disguised my CiSA (certified information security auditor) notes as part of excel spreadsheet and studied during office hours. 💁🏻‍♀️ Then this year in 2024, my ex-colleague told me that a new hire got bored during work, played HP games publicly and got fired. 👀 So I realised they knew what I was doing but they let me studied anyway. 🤣

🚨 lesson 3 - Examining the reasons why I kept landing in toxic workplaces four times 👀🚨

When I realised I kept ending up in toxic workplaces, I did a self reflection and realised:

1. I was desperate for jobs and jumped into workplaces immediately even though my gut feeling was off.

I did a negotiation course and learned that if I wanted to have negotiation power, I should be able to wait!

So I finally learnt to grey rock / detach myself and remained professional even though my 4th ex-manager cursed me to overwork in big 4. I still have to thank my ex-colleagues who warned me not to do an exit interview with her because she yelled and berated at one of them till my ex-colleague was crying.

🚨 lesson 4 - f--k you fund is important.🚨

As I posted earlier, having money helps in not feeling intimidated by toxic bosses and knowing that I could exit the job if needed. 💁🏻‍♀️

🚨Lesson 5 - Keeping social media private/ having separate accounts for colleagues / add ex-colleagues to Linkedin instead!🚨

I think gen Y, Z don't have this issue? but back then Facebook was popular and I regretted not creating a separate account. My 2nd ex-manager sent me an invite and I felt awkward rejecting her so I added her although I restricted her view. But right after I left the company, I removed and blocked almost all ex-colleagues. Luckily my 3rd job onwards, Facebook had died down. PHEW.

🚨 lesson 6 - have 2 phone lines. 🚨

at my 3rd company, the Azure admin wiped out my phone when he tried a new password policy. 💩 Besides that, I used to notice I got triggered whenever I saw work WhatsApp messages, o365 notification after office hours.

Then one day I had enough, I signed up for a cheap 2nd phone plan and it felt so much better.

🚨lesson 7 - don't share vulnerabilities and defend your boundaries🚨

Back at my 2nd job, I recalled I was afraid of aging 🤣 and didn't collect my new IC until the final reminder. 😬 I made the mistake of telling my 2nd ex-manager that I was going to collect my IC and she said why so late?! Then she picked up on my fear of aging even though I didn't tell her I was scared of my 30s and kept bringing this up like "YOU are so old! no one is going to hire you." 🤣

In that same job, I also recalled how my overweight ex-colleagues would pretend to be full during the forced birthday lunches and tried to make me finish the leftover.

At first I humour them but during my 4th year, I told them that my stomach was not rubbish bin. 💁🏻‍♀️ Thinking back, I should have said I had health issues.

I recalled in my 3rd year, I purposely ordered the exact amount and these overweight ex-colleagues complained they were not full. wtf. 💁🏻‍♀️

Luckily after I left this company, nobody gave a crap about food wastage.

🚨 Lesson 8 -Stop wishing that your toxic boss will leave, new management will be better.🚨

Last time I thought it was good that people were working at a company for 20+ years but now I knew better. 🤣

At one of my jobs, my ex-manager was so widely hated that he was asked to leave BUT they hired another similar character. 🙃 That was when I learned the hard way that the rot starts at the top. In addition, my ex-VP took me aside for a 1-1, asked why I was still remaining in this shit hole (his exact words) and denied me bonus. 💁🏻‍♀️

But it was a good learning experience. I used to hate interviews but I remembered I just kept sending and attending interviews after that.

Final thoughts -

It is true that what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger but this process is painful. 🥲

#CorporateGirlie #toxicworkplace #Lemon8 #lemon8sg #adviceforyoungerself #advice