Did I marry into a wrong family or am I the prob??

Please let me know if I’m an unlucky one.. or just self-entitled..

The rs with my in-laws is what my husband calls a 4D chess match. I couldn’t agree more.

I won’t say they are toxic but I would say abcdefu reflects 💯my inner mind state (except the frens part). For the many years we are together and half year that we are married, 90% of our fights stems from his family. I just wanna scream HELP LAH!.

Basically I don’t get along with his dad, his mum, his sis, his BIL. That’s EVERYONE in his family except him.

To the point I’m asking myself “am I difficult?” gaslighted? but then my husband understand where I’m coming from so IDK. Below is a short intro of the beef:

1. Household chores

Before we got married, I stayed temporarily with my husband as my house was doing reno. They offered their place and to be frank I was rather hesitant and told them it’s okay I can rent somewhere. But my husband wanted me to move in as well so eventually I did. I offered rent fees but settled on the condition that I only had to remind my husband to clean the ceiling fans. I was very happy & excited then, moving in with my husband and his parents thinking they are lovely folks. Hohoho.. I was NAIVE AF DELULULULU! I tried to be like not in their way, blend into their house “culture” & way of living & altho wasn’t 💯abt lack of privacy but I mean since decided then sua plus the room bins gets emptied. Then one day when I was free, I decided to help out with cleaning the ceiling fan. First time cleaning ceiling fan so it feels a bit dangerous, but I was alone sweating it out and after 1 room I cannot anymore. So I took the ladder out and told them I’ve finished one! Yea no thank yous no appreciation nth.. I said I’m tired now I’ll do the other room after a break. They just say “ok..” Come on.. rmb ur son?? For some stupid reason I felt the need to share some house chores. I say stupid here becuz it wasn’t appreciated but eventually became EXPECTED! Please sisters don’t be like me want to pil-please, be like my younger sister who goes do her own shit instd of this. Anyway, it gets worse, one time before they went overseas, his dad asked me to clear the lint from the dryer after every use and asked me to watch him demo, his mum saw the opportunity, and pulled me PULLED MY ARM to the toilet and showed me the brush and say I can use this brush to wash the basin. I was too stunned to speak. She then also demo to me how. This was when my husband was not in the house. I was thinking “rmb you have a son who owes you wayyy more??”. HELL NO I’m not doing that. It’s not even the task itself but the way they asked me to do like it’s expected, no thx no appreciation no only if ur free la, just plain instructions. Tbh even if there was a thx, do you think it’s appropriate? Shouldn’t they ask their son? Next up, PLATES! I think this is what a lot of ppl fall trap in. It’s the kind of thing once u start, u’ll have to turn the hse over and paint urself a villain to stop. Unfortunately for me it started the first time I shared a meal with them. My husband wanted me to leave a good impression so had asked me to wash the plates tgt. I’m a pretty easygoing person (most would say so) so I didn’t think too much of it. Apparently girlies please save urself by not doing it at least for the first few times eating with ur in-laws if u can help it. Learn from my sister, she’s queen on this. To this date she’s been married for a year and nvr washed a single plate. My mum too btw. They r Queens! Story for another post. I did leave a good first impression with my PIL for doing the dishes but at what expense hais.. I continued with the plates at family dinners cuz I didn’t mind and I tot there was appreciation. Eventually I found out that washing dishes was EXPECTED! And their reasoning was “We are a family so we help out and contribute” pause here… “we are a family” will come into play in my next point, “help out”- uhh yes I have been helping but usually help comes with gratitude? Not complains when I decide not to? Girlies, just don’t ok, don’t try to impress this way it’s just not worth it.

2. Unresolved disputes

This one involves a large part of my husband’s avoidance personality. Which I should have noticed and taken seriously earlier in our rs. For a year, I always felt ugly looking in the “family” photos taken. But I just didn’t bother to think much, wrong angle, bad expression whatever, it didn’t bother me. The first time I noticed smth rly wrong was when we went on a trip to Korea celebrating his dad’s birthday and we took a photo together goodness I don’t even recognised myself I was shocked (my frens couldn’t too). Along that trip, there were so many photos that my MIL could have chosen to post but all the ones she posted of me were UGLY caught at a bad expression. I know that there were good ones because I saw them from the photos being shared and they were taken at the same day same venue. And that day I know that MIL knows how to edit photos, she was saying loudly in the group that she is going to edit my husband’s stomach to make it smaller. Yes she knows abt all these yet she picked ugly photos of me to post. Still I naively tot that it’s once off no big deal. Until a wedding which I went on behalf of my husband’s BIL cuz he dropped out last minute funded with my own money to cover for them, they used my phone to take group photos. And immediately she asked me to send the photos thru airdrop to her. Without much tot I selected ALL photos without checking to her, also added a random closeup shot of his son. She received ALL and even asked me why I added a random photo of her son in. Her son was right next to her that time and heard it (this is a critical piece). The next day, she sent in the group chat the selected photo of her choice and edited with heading and date, this goes into the “memories keepsake”. HOLYshit that was when I realised that she had been purposefully choosing bad photos of me. I swear I looked good that day. Only two photos were “bad” - 1 with my eyes closed and the other a bad expression showing double chin. And yes, she took the double chin photo. I flagged it out in the group chat. She replied but deleted her msg! And she also replied oh can’t rly see. But did she change it? NO, she even went ahead to post it on IG and the time stamp was after I told her!

I was pissed. I told my husband about it, he just shrug it off and said it’s unintentional. I went back to all the photos that she had selected to add to “memories keepsake” and dudeeee only 1 was decently me like not nicer but just my usual. And we took A HELL LOT of photos because his family is very high maintenance & I also partake in almost all their gatherings. The amount of time, energy, money that I have poured in got me a series of backstabbing for a whole year in return. My husband had to take this matter more seriously so he went to ask his mum why she had chosen that photo of me. MIL LIED!!! She lied to her son that she only received 1 photo! Why the hell would u lie if you are not tryna cover up your ill-intentions? My husband knew that wasn’t true because he knows she had received all of the photos including the random closeup shot of himself. But guess what triggered me further. He told me that his mum didn’t lie, she was just not speaking the truth. WTF??? Can anyone interpret this language to me??

Anyway I’m emotionally drained from typing out this much too, having to relive these horrible memories.

Help out a sister here with some advice on how I can move on… shed some light cuz I’m clueless to this type of rs af

#inlaws #family #drama #help #life #advice#RealTalk Singapore