My girlfriend is too perfect?

My past is a heavy emotional trauma baggage and I am fully aware of it, but I do not let my girlfriend carry it because I have had past relationship where my ex had me carry her emotional baggage and heal her like a therapist, and I know, it wasn’t a fun experience.

I came from somewhere in life with loads of emotional trauma and I am very self aware of it, constantly working on myself, and my girlfriend has been very supportive in helping me work on myself even though she doesn’t know she is doing it.

As a WLW situation, I have gotten homophobic remarks, or subtle actions from strangers when all I want is to love who I love, especially the reason why I love women is because I have traumas with men (I used to be pansexual). It is the men that caused me to fear them, which is also the people that enables these men to create these hate when I came out differently. One night, we gotten shouts and screams from some youngsters about us being together (I am afraid of angry shouting people because of my past), it triggered the fight or flight instincts, which unfortunately I ended up with flight as I told her I was very uncomfortable.

We went to a place quieter and I apologized for needing to shift locations even though we were enjoying ourselves at the moment. She told me that it was fine and I should not pay attention to those who don’t matter to us. With just one sentence, I felt reassured and at peace. How was it so easy for her to just calm the upset in me?

Other little things pile up, like how she understands I have anxiety and instead of brushing it aside which might be good if you want to always be avoidant, but she would asked for me to speak when I feel comfortable and take her time for me to speak no matter how long it is, not letting me just brushing aside, because whenever I tell her, she will acknowledge what makes me anxious and acknowledgement makes you feel like, it is valid to feel this way. Or like how we actually never argued, and I know how everyone feels about arguements, but it was her that taught me patience that whenever the either of us are unhappy, we will say what it was that made us unhappy and both of us will try to make things right without telling the other off as if their feelings weren’t valid.

But one thing she doesn’t know is that, her actions and attitude makes me really anxious. From a world that everything would go bad eventually, its been months and nothing has happened but constant happiness. I’ve talked to friends and they told me it was because I have been through alot, thus now that there isnno problem, my brain is seeking problems just because I am too used to always having issues in my life. So I should enjoy the moment and not make problems out of none, and I agree with them, trying my best to calm myself down.

For now, I am still learning, to accept the good. Maybe after decades of trauma, the good karma came in form of her. Things are still really early stage, but I feel peace each time I am with her. I don’t want to think too far ahead where this relationship is going because that is more anxiety caused upon myself, but I will enjoy the time I have here and now.

Even if anything doesn’t work out, I am thankful for her, I have learnt so much patience because if this were the past me before I met her, my anxiety would never have calmed down and I would always be arguing with someone about something. But these days, anyone who starts an arguement with me, I had been the calm party trying to talk things out. For that, I am improving as a better person, for my better person too. ✨